You stood in front of one another with your friends, family, and loved ones watching. Both of you promised to have and to hold from that day moving forward. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.
Fast forward to now, and you feel like you let yourself, your partner, and everyone down. You never wanted a divorce to be in the cards for you, but here it is, on top of the pile, right in front of your eyes.
How did it end up like this? Were there signs? Could you have done anything differently? These are some of the questions that may arise. It’s important to understand why your circumstances led you to initiate divorce. While men also struggle with the difficult decision to divorce, women initiate divorce just as often as men do. If you're a woman who is considering ending your marriage, know that you're not alone. Here are some common reasons that women initiate divorce.
Resentment and Expectations
Women, like men, are expected to have a career. Some women will choose a 40+ hour a week job or they’ll commit to being a full-time mom. In some situations, women are expected to do both.
Women may feel like they’re being stretched thin trying to meet and exceed the needs of their career path, husband, children if applicable, and more. In many marriages, the woman ends up doing the lion's share of domestic work even if she also works outside the home. If you feel like you're constantly picking up after your husband and meeting all the needs of your children without any help, it can lead to resentment. Over time, this can erode the emotional bond between you and make divorce seem like the best option.
It can be difficult to find a balance with everything, and find a little time for yourself, especially if your partner isn’t putting in the work to make things a little more equal. These things can lead to feeling an increase in anxiety and depressive symptoms. Feeling alone while married can be lonely, contributing to sadness and overwhelm.
Lack of Communication in Relationships
Communication is key, no matter what type of relationship you have. If there is a lack of communication with your spouse, things can take a turn for the worse really quickly if it’s left unresolved.
When you stop communicating with your partner, you’re no longer opening up or sharing with them. This can cause friction as well as resentment in your relationship. Communication should be used to talk through everything, the positives and the negatives.
Without proper communication, the relationship can’t get better or grow, and sometimes we can feel lonely and alone in our relationship.
Infidelity and Betrayal
Infidelity is one of the most difficult things for a marriage to recover from. If you suspect that your partner is cheating, or if he has already admitted to cheating, it hurts. Being married to a cheating spouse can leave you feeling worthless, betrayed, and unloved—none of which are good for your long-term mental health.
Betrayal can also look a lot of different ways outside of infidelity. Uhealthy behaviors from your spouse can absolutly contribute to feelings of anxiety and questions about the future of your relationship.
Incompatibility
You grow from life experiences, the people you surround yourself with, and events that happen throughout your lifetime. There are people you dated in your past that you probably couldn’t see yourself dating now. And that’s okay.
Sometimes, people come into your life to teach you lessons or to help you become the person that you are today. There’s a good chance that you and your partner may have grown apart instead of together.
Maybe when you got married, you worked, but life threw a few curveballs your way, and now you aren’t as compatible as you used to be.
What Should You Do Next?
If you’re struggling in your marriage and have started thinking about divorce, it may be a good idea to talk through your thoughts and feelings with an outside third party.
A licensed and trained therapist can meet with you individually here at RAFT Counseling. In our Parker, CO office or via online counseling, we offer a supportive space. Our caring and compassionate therapists can help sort out the parts that are your own anxiety and depression, and which parts to focus on as a couple. They can also set up a couples therapy session with you and your partner to discuss the next steps. A therapist will be able to help you and your partner talk through any barriers that may be preventing your relationship from moving forward. Together, you’ll be able to work through any issues and determine what’s best for your relationship.
Do what you can for yourself and your relationship. Reach out to us today to set up a consultation.