Note: This is an updated version of one of our most-read blogs, with new insights on offering real empathy during tough times.

When someone we care about is facing a tough time, it’s natural to want to make them feel better. We genuinely want to ease their pain, let them know they're not alone, and remind them that there's light at the end of the tunnel. Often, the words we reach for are, "It will be OK." We hope this phrase offers comfort and reassurance, but more often than not, it misses the mark. Instead of bringing relief, it can leave them feeling misunderstood or even hurt.

But why does this happen? When someone is going through a difficult experience, they often need to feel validated and heard before they can feel hopeful. A simple phrase like “It will be OK” can feel dismissive, as if we’re brushing their pain aside or rushing them to feel better. Rather than offering the warmth and empathy we intend, it can unintentionally communicate that their feelings aren’t as significant as they are experiencing them to be.

Words matter, and the way we choose to support loved ones through verbal expressions can make all the difference. Offering true support means acknowledging their pain, letting them know it’s okay to feel how they feel, and showing that we’re there to walk alongside them, however long it takes. Here’s why this common phrase doesn’t always land as we intend—and what you can say to provide real, lasting comfort and connection instead.

Why "It Will Be OK" Can Feel Invalidating

If you’ve ever gone through something truly painful, you know how isolating it can feel to hear someone say, “It will be OK.” Although it's intended to reassure, this phrase can feel dismissive, even minimizing the depth of someone’s pain. It’s as if by saying “It will be OK,” we’re sidestepping the heaviness of their emotions, trying to quickly shift the focus away from their pain. But in reality, difficult moments require time, space, and validation, not a rush to feel better.

When someone is suffering, they’re not necessarily looking for a solution or a quick fix. They want acknowledgment of the weight they’re carrying, a signal that their pain is being seen and held with care. Saying “It will be OK” can unintentionally come across as a suggestion that their struggle isn’t serious, or that they should simply "look on the bright side." This can lead them to feel unsupported and misunderstood. In their most vulnerable moments, a loved one often needs permission to feel everything fully without someone stepping in to "make it better."

Saying “It will be OK” can also feel impersonal. Because it’s a phrase we’ve all heard countless times, it risks coming across as a canned response—a kind of placeholder when we don’t know what else to say. In moments of struggle, people crave genuine empathy and connection, not a rehearsed line. When we meet someone’s pain with real words and real presence, we open the door for them to feel safe and truly understood.

The Power of Empathy and Validation

Offering real empathy means stepping into someone else’s world, seeing their pain through their eyes, and staying with them in that place without trying to alter it. Maybe things really will work out eventually, or maybe they won’t. Either way, by telling someone “It will be OK,” we’re imposing our interpretation of their situation, which may not match their reality. This approach can inadvertently shut down their process rather than honor it.

A more supportive approach is to help them feel understood and to let them know you’re there for them—no matter how the situation unfolds. By listening without judgment, offering understanding without solutions, and being present without expectations, you’re showing empathy in its truest form. This creates a space where they can feel safe to express everything they need, knowing they won’t be rushed or brushed aside. It’s a powerful way of saying, “I see you, and I’m here with you through it all.”

Four Things You Can Say Instead of “It Will Be OK”

When we want to offer genuine support, finding the right words can make all the difference. Here are four compassionate alternatives to “It will be OK” that can truly help someone feel heard and comforted:

1. “I'm here for you.”
This phrase may seem simple, but it carries a powerful message. Letting someone know “I’m here for you” shows that you’re fully present and committed to standing by their side through whatever they’re facing. It communicates that you’re not just physically there but emotionally available, too. Often, the reassurance of not being alone can be incredibly comforting during tough times.

2. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”
When someone opens up, they’re trusting you with their vulnerability—a trust that isn’t always easy to offer. By thanking them, you acknowledge this courage and show that you respect their feelings. This phrase also signals that you’re creating a safe space where they can share openly, knowing they’ll be met with respect and care rather than judgment.

3. “How can I help?”
“How can I help?” offers both flexibility and support, putting the control back in their hands while showing you’re willing to do what they need. This question can be especially relieving because it removes the pressure from them to know exactly what they need or how to ask. By opening up the opportunity to help, you demonstrate a readiness to actively support them in whatever way they feel is best, whether it’s practical assistance or simply sitting by their side.

4. “I don’t know what to say, but I love you.”
Sometimes, words can’t fully capture what someone is going through, and it’s okay to admit that you don’t have all the answers. “I don’t know what to say, but I love you” shows humility, honesty, and compassion. This phrase reinforces your unconditional care and support while validating their experience. Often, just knowing that someone loves you and is there to hold space without trying to fix things can be profoundly comforting.

Why These Phrases Matter

Each of these alternatives respects the person’s experience and leaves room for their feelings, rather than trying to change or “fix” them. By choosing words that focus on empathy and presence, you’re helping them feel seen, valued, and genuinely supported. Even in moments when there may be no solution, these phrases allow you to offer the gift of companionship and understanding—powerful forms of support in and of themselves.

The Difference Thoughtful Words Can Make

When someone you care about is struggling, take a moment to pause before offering the standard “It will be OK.” While it's natural to reach for comforting phrases, a little extra thought can make a world of difference. Instead, try one of these more empathetic responses to show that you’re fully present with them in the here and now. Offering a genuine, supportive response can be an incredible gift, reminding them they’re not alone in their pain and that their feelings are valued.

At RAFT Counseling, we know that building meaningful connections with others often begins with thoughtful, compassionate communication. We’re here to help people embrace intentional living, connect deeply with themselves, and strengthen the relationships around them. Whether you or someone you know could use some extra support, we’re here to walk alongside you on your journey. Reach out to us today—we’d love to hear from you!