Teen Dating Violence: Recognizing the Signs and Taking Action
How to Spot Unhealthy Behaviors, Support Teens, and Access Resources for Safety and Healing
By Maddy Stoddard with RAFT Counseling
February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness month. Unfortunately, up to 19% of teens will experience dating violence in some form. Up to 19% of teens experience dating violence while 1.5 million teenagers in the US have reported experiencing some type of abusive behavior while in a relationship (Break The Cycle, 2024). This is an issue that impacts not only our teens, but parents, educators, friends, and community members. Without intervention, these early abusive experiences can perpetuate the cycle of violence and can continue into adulthood. The sooner that we are able to intervene, the more likely for better outcomes in future relationships.
What are Common Warning Signs of Teen Dating Violence?
Spotting the warning signs of an abusive relationship can be life-saving, early intervention can prevent further harm. Abuse can take many forms, intimate partner violence is not limited to physical harm. In fact, abuse can often be more subtle and at times, difficult to spot. Below are some signs that you may be in an abusive relationship:
Insecurity/Jealousy: Constantly being questioned on who you are spending time with, where you are spending your time, and why you are not with your partner is a red flag. It can feel like you are constantly being interrogated when our partners should trust us.
Pressure to Change/Controlling Your Appearance: If your partner is not allowing you to wear certain clothing, makes you style your hair a certain way, doesn’t allow you to wear makeup, etc., this can slowly tear down your sense of self and make you lose your identity.
Privacy Invasion: If your partner coerces you into giving your social media passwords or is showing up to hangouts with friends, your home, or you work is a violation of your privacy. Again, your partner should have trust in you.
Threats/Explosive Behavior: This may look like your partner threatening to harm themselves if you do not spend time with them. It can look like they are having an overreaction to a minor conflict that leads you to question if you are misunderstanding the argument.
This is not an all-inclusive list. If you’re experiencing any behavior from a partner that feels wrong, talk to a trusted adult for support.
How do we Help our Teens?
It is important that as parents, educators, healthcare providers, friends, etc. that we pay attention if we notice any warning signs. If you notice any of these, start an open dialogue with the teen. Even before they start to enter into relationships (platonic or romantic), have open discussions with them regarding the difference between healthy and unhealthy behaviors. It can be helpful to utilize what is portrayed in the media as these depictions can often be romanticized but typically are not the healthiest behaviors (Joe Goldberg, Chuck Bass, Owen Hunt, etc.). Model healthy relational behaviors for them to learn from. Raise awareness in your community on the issue at hand to support prevention efforts.
How can Therapy Make a Difference?
Therapy can be very impactful for teenagers who may be experiencing an abusive relationship. The therapeutic relationship is one that is based on trust, mutual respect, and many teens often look to their therapists as a safe adult who they can open up to. Teens often may feel more comfortable disclosing an unsafe relationship to their therapist. In therapy, they may be able to have more open conversations surrounding healthy relationship characteristics, communication skills, boundary setting, talks on consent, and support navigating what resources are available to them. While therapists will follow confidentiality/privacy policies surrounding working with minors, they will disclose any safety threats to parents or guardians.
Remember that if you are experiencing an abusive relationship, you do not have to handle it on your own. Your support system is there for a reason, utilize their assistance to seek help. There are numerous local and national organizations available to help if you do not feel like you can turn to your loved ones. Nationally, loveisrespect.org, breakthecycle.org, and thehotline.org are all resources to turn to. Locally, violencefreecolorado.org can help you to locate your nearest domestic violence organization that can help you navigate next steps to take (in Douglas County, thecrisiscenter.org will be the nearest organization).
February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, a critical time to highlight the prevalence on unhealthy relationships among teens. At RAFT Counsling, we are commited to supporting teens and their families through challenges like these, fostering safe and healthy relationships. Through individual counseling and teen group counseling like Relationships: No FIlter, we support people in living intentionally. Located in Parker, CO and offering virtual services throughout Colorado, we provide compassionate care to empower teens and help them navigate challenges. Reach out today to schedule an appointment, we would love to connect with you.
To support our readers further, the resources mentioned in this blog and more are available in this free downloadable guide - "Safe Steps: Tools and Resources for Unhealthy Relationships". This resource list is designed to help you or someone you care about take actionable steps toward safety and support. Together, we can create a community where every teen feels safe and supported in their relationships.
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