In relationships, love is not just about how we feel—it’s about how we express and receive affection. Dr. Gary Chapman’s concept of the Five Love Languages provides a framework for understanding the ways we and our partners give and receive love. Recognizing these languages can transform communication, deepen connection, and help partners feel truly seen and valued. They can help to build, strengthen, and even rekindle relationships. As a therapist, I love sharing about the Five Love Languages. Whether I am working with a couple or working with an individual who is in a relationship, I bring up these love languages all the time. The connection we build with our partner when we love them in the way they best receive love—and when we feel loved in the way that resonates most with us—can be incredibly strong.

Here’s what each love language is and how it might look in your relationship:

Words of Affirmation

If your partner’s primary love language is Words of Affirmation, they thrive on verbal expressions of love and appreciation. Compliments, encouraging words, letters, and affectionate texts go a long way. Examples include:

• Telling them how much you appreciate their hard work.
• Leaving a heartfelt note or sending an “I’m thinking about you” message.
• Offering words of encouragement when they’re stressed or doubting themselves.

Acts of Service

For those who feel most loved through Acts of Service, actions speak louder than words. Doing something thoughtful for your partner—especially without being asked—can make them feel deeply cared for. Some examples include:

• Cooking their favorite meal after a long day.

• Taking care of a task they dread, like doing the dishes or running an errand.

• Preparing their morning coffee just the way they like it.

Receiving Gifts

A partner who values Receiving Gifts isn’t necessarily materialistic—they cherish meaningful gifts that show thoughtfulness. This love language is about the intention behind the gift rather than the price tag. Ways to express this include:

• Bringing home their favorite snack just because.

• Giving them a small, meaningful gift that reminds you of them.

• Celebrating special occasions with a thoughtful surprise.

Quality Time

Quality Time is about undivided attention and shared experiences. If this is your partner’s love language, they feel most valued when you are present and engaged. Some ways to show love through Quality Time include:

• Planning a date night without distractions.

• Setting aside time for deep conversations without phones or TV.

• Going on a walk together and truly listening to their thoughts.

Physical Touch

For some, Physical Touch is the primary way they feel loved and connected. This doesn’t just mean intimacy—it includes small gestures of affection throughout the day. Examples include:

• Holding hands while walking together.

• Giving spontaneous hugs or gentle touches throughout the day.

• Cuddling on the couch while watching a movie.

Love Languages Can Change Over Time

Just like people grow and evolve, so do their emotional needs. A partner who once valued Receiving Gifts might later prioritize Quality Time due to life changes, like becoming busier with work or having children. It’s important to check in with your partner periodically to see if their love language has shifted. A simple conversation like, “Lately, what’s been making you feel most loved?” can help keep your connection strong and your partner feeling valued and seen.

Expressing Love in Multiple Ways

While a person may have a primary love language, that doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate love in other forms. Incorporating multiple love languages can create a well-rounded and fulfilling relationship. For example, if your partner values Words of Affirmation, you might still surprise them with an Act of Service, like making their morning coffee, to show love in a different way. The more ways love is expressed, the deeper and more resilient the relationship becomes.

Understanding and Applying Love Languages

It’s important to recognize that partners may have different love languages, which can sometimes lead to misunderstandings. Consider this scenario:

Sabrina comes home from a tough day at work and is feeling insecure. When she gets home, she is seeking reassurance and encouragement. Her partner Chris wants to show his love and support, so he cooks dinner, cleans up, and takes on a few extra chores that evening. Sabrina is still feeling unsupported emotionally, gets upset and says, “You don’t even care about how I am feeling”. This frustrates Chris after all he has done and he responds confused, “Are you kidding me? Look at all I did for you to make things easier!”

In this scenario, if both partners had understood their love languages better, Sabrina may have recognized Chris’s actions as an expression of his love and support, and Chris may have recognized that what Sabrina really wanted was verbal reassurance and affirmation. The key is to learn what makes your partner feel loved and to intentionally express affection in the ways that they appreciate it most. Likewise, helping your partner understand your own love language fosters mutual appreciation and emotional connection.

Take time to discuss your love languages together, observe how your partner responds to different expressions of love, and make an effort to speak their language daily. Love is not just about grand gestures—it’s about the small, consistent acts that show we care.

What’s your love language, and how do you see it playing out in your relationship?