Turning Off Your Inner Critic

Whether or not you have an inner monologue (a constant voice narrating or speaking to you in your head), you likely experience intrusive thoughts that are self critical. These critiques can come in the form of verbal processing, pictures, feelings, etc. but all serve the same function - to degrade self-esteem or self-confidence and can lead to anxiety and/or depression. These thoughts can become so burdensome that they lower your quality of life by holding you back from engaging in things you used to enjoy, spending time with people you love, or pushing for progress in areas of your life you wish to pursue. Below we will discuss different aspects of the inner critic that may provide you ways to change your relationship with it towards one that is more positive or at least turn lower the dial on its intensity so that it is less overwhelming. 

Whose Voice Is It? 

An important part of deconstructing our inner critic is to first ask who is speaking when those critical thoughts come. We are not born with the inner critic most people know so we must have learned to be critical of ourselves from somewhere outside our own minds at some point throughout childhood, adolescence, or even adulthood. To find out when we can ask questions like: When did I first hear that critique? Whose voice do I hear when I think of it? Introducing this perspective may help to distance from the fear or self-hatred by properly attributing it to another rather than blindly believing it to be from an inherent fault of our own.

For example, if you have anxiety about the way you look but recognize that the thought first came from a critique from an abusive family member or friend; it should not hold as much value given that it was a tool for manipulation rather than a well reasoned comment. As such, why hold on to it? By doing so are you not just continuing the abusers’ behaviors in your own mind and treating yourself the way they treated you? Give yourself back the power to be in command of your own internal world and these unfair self-doubts may cease. 

What Can We Learn From It? 

Once we understand more about the origination of such thoughts we can more responsibly evaluate its utility in our current lives. If we have taken the steps to understand the source of a critique and it is not one held onto from someone else but rather a self-evaluation of a mistake or wrongdoing, then we can move to the learning phase. It may seem odd to think of self-critique as a form of self-compassion after failure but it absolutely can be - if we take care to honor our own humanity in the midst of it. What this means is to accept that failure is a part of the human condition and what we choose to do with it is more important than the act of failing itself. 

We can reframe a mistake or action that we feel guilt or shame over with trust that we did our best in that moment with what we had. We can also hear the critical thoughts and rather than sit with those feelings to punish ourselves, we can decide that it is an opportunity to learn and grow. This choice keeps us moving in the direction of healing and compassion where we would otherwise spiral and become frozen in the self-degrading thoughts that make us avoidant of doing anything for risk of making the same mistakes again.

Replace Instead of Remove 

The third option is to choose something different and replace negative self-talk with something positive (or at least more realistic). To believe something about ourselves is simply the repetition of a thought - with or without evidence - to the point where no alternatives are considered. Why not then experiment with thinking something else? The brain is an incredible tool if we choose to use it. Much like bone density or muscle mass the concept of ‘use it or lose it’ applies. If we choose to think one thing our brain will reinforce the associated neuronal pathways to make that thought more easily and speedily accessible.

So if we naturally critique ourselves over and over again with the same thought it has become strengthened by repetition. If we endeavor to catch those thoughts, stop them, and replace them with something better; over time that new thought becomes quicker and more easily accessible by default. By increasing this awareness of automatic thoughts and being mindful of positive ways to reframe them we can teach ourselves to be less critical and more encouraging of ourselves over time.

Putting The Inner Critic In Its Rightful Place

 Being highly critical of ourselves can stem from many places including childhood abuse, past mistakes, or even learned anxious/depressive personality traits. By taking time to analyze critical thoughts when they come we can better sort them into their appropriate spaces in our mind and let go of the burdens they want us to carry. Anything that is learned can be unlearned and to be critical of ourselves is very much a learned behavior. 
    
At RAFT Counseling, we want you to feel capable of navigating a harsh inner critic with compassion and confidence while learning from the process. If you or a loved one is looking to quiet the mind in this way simply visit our website or contact us to get connected and on the path towards a more resilient and vibrant inner self.