Congruence 

The Importance of Understanding and Acceptance in the Therapeutic Alliance

Therapy is an intricate blending of personalities towards the shared goal of mental health treatment. The nature of the alliance between you and your therapist is one that requires trust in the direction and unwavering belief that you are accepted as you are in that space. To achieve this ideal form of therapeutic alliance we commonly seek to build congruence which is a constellation of intentions expressed through interpersonal skills throughout your time working together. The following will discuss more about what it is and how to navigate situations when you do not feel congruent with your therapist.

Therapeutic Congruence 

In any therapeutic alliance between a clinician and the client there is an ever evolving dynamic of trust that is built upon the client feeling understood and able to know that the clinician is genuine in their approach. To achieve this, the therapist is tasked with engaging in a way that is congruent, or honest about their own experiences with the goal of “valuing and understanding the other, the intentions to facilitate the others development, to be accepting and non-critical of the other, to confirm the others experience, to focus on their strengths and, above all, to do the other no harm.” (Greenberg and Geller, 2001). To effectively be congruent with another person requires many interpersonal skills and refinement of them over time. Nonetheless, being engaged in therapy when you feel congruent with your therapist is immensely beneficial to achieving the goals you set. This intention can lead to better therapeutic outcomes because for those who have within them an incongruent self (or an internal experience that is not working towards those qualities listed above) the congruent therapist can provide a positive transferral of skills associated with becoming someone who can support themselves in those ways.

Do I Need a Therapist With Shared Life Experience? 

One misconception of congruence is that it assumes the client and clinician have to be able to understand the topic of discussion on the same level. This is not the case. Congruence has to do with authenticity rather than shared life experience. If the therapist does not have the same life experiences they can express congruence by being transparent about that and working to build a shared dialogue or language that is effective for you. Importantly, this is not to diminish anyone’s desire to have a therapist with shared life experience. If that is something that would make the difference between helpful and ineffective therapy for you then seeking a clinician with shared experience is absolutely valid. In this case we simply mean that shared life experience is not a prerequisite for congruence to be achieved.

In Session Connection

Congruence is both something that can be observed in the first session with a therapist or something that is built, like trust, over time. Importantly however, is the fact that in all actions the therapist should act in a way that is attempting to build a congruent alliance rather than as a tool that may or may not be used session to session. To get a feel for if a therapist is attempting to reach a congruent alliance simply ask yourself if they seem to be intentional about expressing understanding, acceptance, responses that support your development and utilize your strengths, and a desire to not harm you and your mental health. At times a therapist may challenge you but to do so congruently is to be at a point where that challenge is not critical of you or expectant that you do something you do not feel safe doing. The therapeutic dynamic where you can feel healthily challenged is one that is built on a trust where you do not feel threatened when challenged. 

What to do When Things Don’t Feel Aligned

If you feel as though sessions with your therapist are not working with your values or towards your goals then it may be time to have a discussion. Therapists are meant to be individuals who are open to and capable of navigating such internal and external conflict. So to bring up that you feel the work you are doing together is not aligned with you is a completely reasonable (and on the therapist side - preferred) thing to do. Having that discussion can help you two make a plan that can reorient the goals of treatment, clarify approaches, and/or confirm that referral to another clinician better aligned with your style is the appropriate route. In the ‘worst case’ of referral it means you have learned more about yourself and how to communicate those things important to you to be best served by the right mental health professional.

Congruence In Counseling

To have a healthy therapeutic alliance requires trust in the shared goals and understanding between yourself and your therapist. One aspect of the alliance that maintains those pieces is congruence or the honesty, presence, and intention helpful in feeling understood, valued, and accepted. If you do not feel that is the case when in sessions then it is completely reasonable to talk with your therapist about that disconnect and how to remedy it. Doing so may prove to either strengthen your current alliance or develop insight and skills related to connecting with the best fit therapist for your style going forward. 

At RAFT Counseling, our intentions are to provide excellent mental health care that includes a congruent and collaborative approach when working towards your goals. If you or a loved one needs that support simply visit our website or contact us to get connected with our team to help you on your mental health journey.
 

Resources For Further Reading 

• Greenberg, L. S., & Geller, S. (2001). Congruence and therapeutic presence. Rogers’ therapeutic conditions: Evolution, theory and practice, 1, 131-149.
• Kolden, G. G., Wang, C. C., Austin, S. B., Chang, Y., & Klein, M. H. (2018). Congruence/genuineness: A meta-analysis. Psychotherapy, 55(4), 424.