Do We Have to Talk About Sex in Couples Therapy?

Couples therapy is incredibly valuable. It’s an opportunity to grow together and strengthen your bond. However, the topic of sex can seem like a sensitive topic. It may make you uncomfortable to talk about with others, even a therapist. Understandably, it’s a private matter for many people.

This begs the question, “Do we have to talk about sex in couples therapy?”

Let’s find out!

Do You Have to Talk About Sex?

The short answer is no. You do not have to talk about sex during couples therapy.
But, as I’m sure you already know… the answer isn’t always quite that simple.
You and your partner are completely in control during your therapy session. You both can choose the topics you want to bring up and whether you want to talk about sex or not. No one can make you talk about things that you’re uncomfortable with, not even your therapist.
That being said, keep in mind that there are many different factors that make up your relationship. Your relationship is filled with different parts, like communication, respect, loyalty, trust, compassion, romance, and intimacy. For some couples, sex isn’t an active part of their relationship, and that’s okay. As long as everyone is on the same page, sex doesn’t have to be a topic of conversation, especially if you feel it doesn’t apply to you.
However, for many couples, sex is a part of their relationship. Sure, talking about sex can be a little uncomfortable, but getting out of that comfort zone can also have its benefits.

Why Talking About Sex During Couples Therapy Can Help

Communication is key in any relationship. This includes talking about sex.

Just like your communication, your sex life can’t get better unless you talk about it. You have to be able to fully trust your partner in order to express your wants, needs, desires, and more, in and out of the bedroom.

Here are some guidelines to ease you into talking about sex:

Stay Positive (and Kind)

One of the best ways to talk about sex is similar to how you would communicate with your partner about any other topic.

Choose your words carefully. If you’re not feeling completely satisfied with your sex life, don’t say things like, “you never touch me” or “you never want to do anything with me.” Try to change the verbiage to say something like, “Last night was so much fun. I think we should do more of that.”

Be Patient

Be patient with one another. If you both feel uncomfortable talking about sex, start slow. Start off by talking about your feelings towards one another and sex. Shame or discomfort may be a reflection of ideals you were raised with, but don’t agree with on a conscious level. It takes time to unlearn things you were taught were “bad” or “wrong”. Be open, honest, and patient with one another.

Be Accommodating

Another similarity between communication and sex is that it requires both partners to communicate and understand one another’s wants and needs. Be accommodating towards one another. Make sure it’s a pleasurable experience for both of you.

Don’t Get Defensive

Keep in mind that you and your partner are two different people who each have their own wants, needs, desires, turnons, turnoffs, and more. What makes you happy may not thrill your partner and vice versa. If your partner isn’t in the mood, it doesn’t mean they’re not interested in you or no longer feel the same way. Remember: The better you communicate, the better your relationship, love life, and sex life will be.

If you’re interested in learning more about opening up the conversation about sex or trying couples therapy, reach out to us today for a consultation.

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