Language is powerful. The way we talk about mental health—especially anxiety and depression—can either support healing or deepen feelings of isolation. Many phrases that seem harmless or even well-meaning can unintentionally invalidate someone’s struggles. If you or a loved one is dealing with anxiety or depression, knowing what to say (and what to avoid) can make all the difference.

Mental health struggles can feel isolating, especially when the words meant to comfort you fall short. If you’ve ever searched for the right way to support a loved one with anxiety or depression—or struggled to explain why certain phrases feel dismissive—you’re not alone. The way we talk about mental health shapes how we connect, feel understood, and seek support. Small shifts in language can make a big difference in fostering understanding and compassion.

Understanding Anxiety & Depression: More Than Just a Bad Day

Anxiety and depression aren’t just about feeling stressed or sad—they are legitimate mental health conditions that impact daily life, relationships, and well-being.

Anxiety: More Than Just Worry

Anxiety isn’t just about feeling nervous before a big event or worrying about daily stressors—it can be overwhelming, exhausting, and deeply disruptive. It often feels like a constant state of alertness, as if the brain is stuck in survival mode. Anxiety can manifest as:

• Racing thoughts that make it hard to focus or relax.

• Physical symptoms like a pounding heart, shortness of breath, nausea, dizziness, or muscle tension.

• Sleep disturbances, whether it’s struggling to fall asleep, waking up frequently, or experiencing restless, unrefreshing sleep.

• A sense of impending doom, where even small concerns can feel like major threats.

When someone tells a person with anxiety to “just relax” or “stop overthinking,” it can feel invalidating, as if their struggles are simply a choice. But anxiety isn’t something you can turn off with logic—it’s a real, physiological response that often requires patience, support, and coping strategies to manage.

Depression: More Than Just Feeling Down

Depression is more than sadness—it can seep into every aspect of life, making even the simplest tasks feel exhausting. It’s not just about feeling low; it can feel like:

• Moving through life in slow motion, where even getting out of bed or taking a shower feels like a monumental effort.

• A loss of joy, where activities that once brought happiness now feel meaningless.

• A deep sense of emptiness or numbness, rather than just sadness.

• Irritability and frustration, which can sometimes be mistaken for anger instead of an expression of inner pain.

• Physical symptoms like fatigue, aches, or changes in appetite and sleep patterns.

When people hear phrases like “snap out of it” or “just think positively,” it can add to feelings of isolation and shame. Depression isn’t about a lack of willpower—it’s a complex condition that requires understanding, support, and sometimes professional help.

Shifting the Conversation

Instead of dismissing these experiences, let’s focus on what actually helps—validating emotions, offering support, and creating a safe space for open conversations about mental health. The right words can be incredibly powerful in reminding someone that they are not alone.

Common Harmful Phrases (And What to Say Instead)

The words we use matter. They shape how we connect, validate emotions, and support those around us. When someone is struggling with anxiety or depression, dismissive or minimizing phrases—often said with good intentions—can make them feel unheard, misunderstood, or even ashamed of their feelings. A small shift in language can create a meaningful difference, helping someone feel truly supported rather than dismissed.
Here are some common phrases to avoid and what to say instead:

Instead of Saying: “Just calm down.”
This phrase implies that anxiety is a choice, something that can be easily controlled with willpower alone. For someone experiencing overwhelming fear, panic, or racing thoughts, being told to “calm down” can feel frustrating and invalidating.
Try Saying: “I can see this is really tough for you. How can I support you right now?”
This response acknowledges their struggle and invites them to express their needs. Instead of assuming they should be able to calm down on their own, it reassures them that they’re not alone and that you’re there to help in whatever way they need.

Instead of Saying:  “You’re overreacting.”
This phrase suggests that a person’s emotions are exaggerated or unwarranted. It diminishes their experience and can make them question whether their feelings are valid.
Try Saying:  “Your feelings are valid. I’m here to listen if you want to talk.”
Everyone experiences emotions differently, and what might not seem like a big deal to one person can feel overwhelming to another. Letting them know their feelings are real and that you’re willing to listen without judgment creates a space for open communication.

Instead of Saying: “You have so much to be grateful for.”
While gratitude is important, this phrase can make someone struggling with depression feel guilty for their pain. Depression isn’t about a lack of appreciation—it’s a mental health condition that often makes it difficult to feel joy, even in positive circumstances.
Try Saying: “I know things are really hard right now. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
Rather than focusing on what they should feel, this response acknowledges their current struggle and reassures them that support is available. Feeling understood and not alone can be incredibly comforting.

Instead of Saying: “Other people have it worse.”
While meant to provide perspective, this phrase often does more harm than good. Pain isn’t a competition, and minimizing someone’s experience by comparing it to others can make them feel like they don’t have the right to struggle or seek help.
Try Saying: “Your feelings matter, and it’s okay to talk about them.”
This response validates their emotions and encourages them to open up. Everyone’s struggles are personal and significant, and knowing their pain is recognized can help them feel heard and supported.

Why These Shifts Matter

The way we respond to someone’s mental health struggles can either encourage them to seek help or make them retreat further into isolation. When we choose words that validate rather than dismiss, we create a culture where it’s safe to talk about mental health without fear of judgment.
Being mindful of our language doesn’t mean we have to have the perfect response—it simply means being compassionate, listening without trying to "fix" things, and offering support in a way that makes people feel seen and heard. Small changes in how we communicate can have a lasting impact on those who need it most.
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Encouraging Healing Through Support & Counseling

If you or someone you know is struggling with anxiety or depression, it’s important to know that help is available—and that you don’t have to go through it alone. Mental health challenges can feel overwhelming, but counseling offers a space where you can be heard without judgment. It’s a place to explore thoughts that feel tangled, process emotions that seem too heavy to carry alone, and learn strategies to navigate daily life with more ease.

Therapy isn’t about "fixing" you—it’s about equipping you with tools to manage stress, build resilience, and find clarity in difficult moments. Whether you're experiencing persistent worry, feelings of sadness, or simply a sense of being stuck, working with a professional can help you understand your experiences, develop self-compassion, and move toward healing at your own pace. Seeking support is a sign of strength, and taking that first step can make all the difference in feeling more in control and connected to your life again.

At RAFT Counseling, we understand how overwhelming anxiety and depression can feel, and we’re here to walk alongside you. Our approach is about creating a space where you feel heard, supported, and empowered to navigate life’s challenges with greater confidence and clarity. Whether you’re struggling with constant worry, feeling emotionally drained, or just unsure of where to turn next, you don’t have to face it alone.

Take the First Step Toward Healing

Reaching out for support can feel like a big step, but it’s also a courageous one. At RAFT Counseling, we’re here to provide compassionate, evidence-based care tailored to your unique needs. If you’re ready to start feeling more in control and connected to yourself again, we’d love to support you on your journey.
Contact us to schedule an appointment or learn more about how we can support you on your mental health journey.